Without You
by tasukichiriko
Summary: Oishi thinks about Kikumaru, and why he's behind in the game. There's more of "love" in tennis than not having scored.


Title: Without You  
  
Author: Kimmie (tasukichirikohotmail.com)  
  
Pairing: Golden Pair (Oishi/Kikumaru)  
  
Category: shonen ai, light angst, POV   
  
Rating: G  
  
Spoilers: Very vague ones for the end of season 3.  
  
Warnings: None.  
  
Notes: I was watching "loveactually" and there, near the end of the movie, the Beach Boys' "God Only Knows" was playing. I adore the song, but I was tearing up, and glanced away from the screen and saw my Prince of Tennis DVDs and a note to write Golden Pair for my friend Barbara. It's soft of one-sided here, and Oishi POV, so don't expect much fluffiness. But, I will do fluffy/cute GP at some point. So, um, enjoy? I hope?  
  
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Without you, I'm not sure I'd ever win a game. I don't mean that I lack skill and would lose because I'm not good enough, but I wouldn't have the passion to win when I'm truly challenged. I'm not sure I would be the same person I am if it weren't for you -- Kikumaru Eiji.  
  
You accused me once, back in our early days of tennis, of being in love with Tezuka. You made such a case for it that I was almost convinced of it. I'm glad now that I realized that your concern for the matter meant that you wished the very opposite to be true.  
  
Nowadays, you have more to worry about. We're about to take entrance exams and head off to our futures. I don't know if that upsets you as much as it does me... But, the thought of leaving you and all that we have - both in tennis and otherwise - leaves me weak in the knees and otherwise unsuited to playing tennis. But, you've been known to leave me that way just by smiling at me.  
  
I think I spend more time with you than anyone else, which isn't really saying much, I suppose, as you're a bit more shy than anyone could ever imagine. So, I get to see most of your smiles, and that makes me the luckiest man in the world.  
  
It's funny, I think, that even with all that I do see you, it isn't enough. So, my dreams try to supplement the supply. Sometimes the dreams are innocent enough: picnics, amusement parks, tennis matches and the like. But, lately, my dreams have changed. Instead of riding the ferris wheel or eating onigiri, it's something private, and intimate, and - a bit acrobatic. I suppose it's fitting, but it's strange for me to have these dreams when I wasn't even aware that one could imagine such things. That's not to say I believed anything about it. Last night, however, was dream number 47 like that (and the sixth one in a row). My mother is getting suspicious about how often I've been changing my sheets, so if she asks, I'll tell her that Inui recommended the practice to help stay in top form.  
  
When Tezuka left for Germany, things changed a bit for us. You started treating me with kid gloves, as though you weren't sure what to do with me anymore. It figures, doesn't it? Just when the time is right for me to make a move (mostly because I finally realized how I felt), things change and I have to find a chance somewhere else. Maybe I'll just spend even more time with you. No sleepovers yet, though. That may tell you too directly what I want.  
  
I was amused when, several days ago, I saw Inui's notebook open to a page about us. At the very least, Inui noticed what seems to have taken me forever to figure out. I know we're still young... but, when I think of the lost time when I could have been with you, it just seems like there isn't enough time left in all of eternity for how much I want to be with you.  
  
Some time, hopefully soon, another chance will open up, and maybe I'll recognize it this time and take that chance - and tell you how I feel about you, and let you know just how much you mean to me. Because, you see, you mean everything. You've always been more than a doubles partner to me. You've been an enigma, and a friend, and a fantasy. So, before it's all said and done, I want to have the chance to add one more thing to the list: a lover. But, I don't need you in my bed for that. We can start in each other's arms and work from here, because no matter what it takes, as long as we keep going together, I'll be happy. As long as you're always with me, we'll always be the Golden Pair.  
  
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Owari. 


End file.
